How do you define identity?
“Ever since I knew I was gay in the sixth grade, guilt is the sole emotion that has controlled my life.”
As a photographer I have always been interested in externalizing the internal feelings of my models, specifically portraying their mental health and true emotions. For the past two years in quarantine, I have solely been taking self-portraits and experimenting on images in ways I had never done before. Through a lot of trial and error, I was finally able to express my true self, my true identity. I used photography to express myself visually, reflecting back on my images in an attempt to explain my true emotions and thoughts to other people. With this project, I wanted to take the techniques I learned through self-portraits to portray someone else’s identity through my photographs. It was my goal to portray humanized identity through editing, lighting, and directional composition. Inspired by photographers like Nan Goldin, Elle Perez, and Lissa Rivera, I wanted to tell a story about male identity, specifically gay male identity. I chose Nolan Mungovan as my model, an eighteen-year-old, gay male. I found it extremely important to photograph him independently, highlighting his body and imperfect, perfect features. My mental map for my sustained investigation included grungy, low lighting with orange undertones. Through four different photoshoots, and over two thousand images I was able to construct a portfolio journal that represents my main theme of individualized, independent identity.
CONTINUE READING ABOUT THIS PROJECT: “EXTERNALIZING IDENTITY”
Lone Shadow : Image 1 : COVER "The cover--who is Nolan Mungovan? At first glance, a shadow, unsure in his own strength and confidence."
Juxtaposition : Image 2 "The first image in my portfolio gives context to the entire investigation of identity. To him, this photo says, “here is my story, I am more than just a gay man.”
Screenager : Image 3 "This is where Nolan spends most of his time, in bed, alone, on his phone, as his phone has become a part of his identity, a security blanket"
Self-Presentation : Image 4 "For those a part of Generation Z and Millennial generation, social media is a huge part of their identity as they grew up surrounded by it. The photo he chose to post out of my first shoot is one out of 500 images that he thought represented him best and the one he felt the most confident in."
Experimenting : Image 5 "Looking in the mirror, putting on mascara for the first time, Nolan saw a side of himself that he had never thought about."
Internal Anxiety : Image 6 "The identity we show on the outside is juxtaposed with the voice inside our head that stares back at us, constantly judging."
"Confident in my Own Skin" : Image 7 (scan) "Nolan poses on his own and looks at the camera with confidence. Overlaying the duality over the cover image demonstrates the change in confidence and attitude. From a lone shadow to a strong man."
This is Me : Image 8 "This is Nolan in full flesh--his true self. This is the identity and attitude Nolan always wants to portray."
Internal Duality: True Emotion : Image 9 "Although on the days we feel confident, there is always a looming doubt inside of us. A voice telling us we aren't good enough."
"The man I have become is the man I want to be" : Image 10 The last image ties the investigation together. “This is me, this is who I am, and I project it unapologetically to the world.”
